machineenihcam

confusion, unconfusioned

2009-12-13T15:22:54Z

I can't seem to stop dreaming about any life but mine. i want to take myself out of my life.
i feel so trapped, daily.

i have to try and appreciate my life. my job, my friends, my talents. but i never seem to be happy.

i want to be situated. happy and situated.
and be stimulated, oh so stimulated.

but i also want to run a muck.

machineenihcam @ 2009-01-18T15:24:00

2009-01-18T20:26:38Z

someone is finally growing up, and it is not me. and its not him.
its everyone around us but i feel as if i was ahead of the game
so, like the tortoise i will take a nap by the tree in the shade and
wait for everyone to catch with me. but still beat them? no.
probably let them beat me.

job

2008-10-01T20:02:54Z

some girls get the luxury of having all the time in the world to care about themselves. i can't figure out if i would ever want to be that girl.

machineenihcam @ 2008-09-15T21:24:00

2008-09-15T01:25:25Z

what we want in life is time time time.

i just saw a movie that made me want to have the time of my life. and that have that time over again and again. each day a new experience.
i want to only survive on chocolate and peanuts and ice cream and all those combined.
i want to feel passion again for someone something somewhere.

trips and fall

2008-08-17T02:03:39Z

maybe if we all stopped running so hard we could enjoy the view.
I HATE MATERIAL THINGS.

machineenihcam @ 2008-07-26T17:28:00

2008-07-25T21:29:17Z

i don't think anyone understands my body. i don't. it's an impossible contraption to comprehend.
when i'm in pain I'M IN PAIN and it comes out of no where.

there's this girl that complains about her life. all the time.
everytime she complains i complain about how much i want it.
i guess it's a cycle.
morning:depression
lunch:im told i look wow. bam pow.
dinner:i dont eat dessert.

machineenihcam @ 2008-07-21T14:30:00

2008-07-20T18:34:50Z

i went to work this morning for a total of 37 minutes until i called my manager and said 'i'm gonna throw up.' i've been a socialite in training, as george tells me, and i have not been succeeding. four nights in a row is apparently too much for me. i think the guidos did me in.

i've fallen for someone who is unobtainable, so let's just say i have fallen for no one. under no circumstances shall we be together, and we both know this. i think it's adding to my disease this morning, giving me that extra twist in my stomach.

the fundraiser was a great success the other night. i danced and had so much fun.
i hear back about the Shanghai internship this week. I hope I (don't) get it. I hope I get it. I hope I sleep all day today. I hope I die.

machineenihcam @ 2008-04-25T23:25:00

2008-04-25T03:26:22Z

i can't wait until i care so much about myself that i put on lipstick.

machineenihcam @ 2008-04-19T14:54:00

2008-04-18T18:55:04Z

i don't want any more stuff. i don't want any more stuff. i have too much stuff. i have too much stuff.

machineenihcam @ 2007-12-28T22:12:00

2007-12-28T21:12:43Z

fuck. i think i'm in love.

machineenihcam @ 2007-05-26T23:06:00

2007-05-27T04:06:38Z

i'm obsessed again. it's a good feeling.

machineenihcam @ 2007-02-03T00:47:00

2007-02-03T05:47:32Z

"look at her," he says. "she always looks so mean."